momduels (momduels) wrote in al_anon,

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Watching him hit bottom

My husband has been drinking for the entire close to 35 years we have been together. Over the last 10 years he has gone down hill quickly. With the help of Al Anon I have quit supporting him (paying his bills) and have quit enabling him. I'm not sure I can stand the daily drama now that I have set that pace. Everyday its a different drama with him. He gets drunk and hurts himself then complains and whines "Why does this happen to me?" When I tell him maybe he shouldn't have tried to do ____ while drinking he doesn't believe it has anything to do with him being drunk. Hello, sober people don't fall down while walking on a completely flat surface with nothing in the way. You can't blame my dog for it when she wasn't anywhere near you. It's really hard to see him like this. I can't feel confident that he isn't going to hurt himself when I'm not here and I don't trust him with my dogs - 2 German Shepherds - because when he is drunk he is not aware enough to be around them. I'm becoming a nervous wreck worrying about what he is going to do when I'm not home. He could accidentally let my dogs get out, or fall and hurt himself (3 times now that he has started bleeding and was not able to take care of it himself). I'm afraid something will happen to him when my 22 year old daughter is home alone with him and she wouldn't be able to handle it. Today he tried to stand on a bucket and fell and hit his head on the cement, then proceeded to tell me I'm stupid and shouldn't bother to do anything to try to help because I don't know what I'm doing. I feel like I am losing it from all the stress and drama. I don't sleep well at night and I'm constantly exhausted. I don't feel like eating most of the time. I won't leave him and can't afford a divorce to have him leave - I've been paying the mortgage for 22 years, not him, and I refuse to give him money for half the house in order to get to keep it, not to mention that I don't have $250,000. I need to find a way to tune him out so that I don't lose my mind along with him losing his. Thank you for Al Anon Lois!
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