momduels (momduels) wrote in al_anon,

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I'm letting him hit bottom

I have been in Al Anon for over three years going to meetings once a week and reading as well. I thought that I was in control of my life, of course not the alcoholic's life. Well here it is - time to let him hit bottom. I need strength to make it through this. He is my husband. He has been out of work for the most part of the last 8 months. He did manage, during that time, to find enough repair jobs etc to help pay his portion of the bills. Now last month he had no money to give me at all, not even the smaller and smaller amount he had been offering. I tried to be understanding and covered all the household bills and some of his business bills (telephone, advertising, insurance, truck payment) but not his warehouse rent. He paid the warehouse rent himself as he always had before leaving very little in his business account. I pointed out to him the last time I wrote out checks that he had only enough to pay rent two more times and he better get to work somehow even if it meant working for someone else and not his own business. He says, yeah, yeah I will. Well, now I ran into the chance for him to make over $1000 cash on top of getting the two new front tires his truck needs while I also made $500 extra for driving a friend's pickup truck up to his new house about 9 hours away. I jumped at the chance thinking it was great. My husband decided that it wasn't enough money so he didn't want the job. I told my friend and he said if that's how it is then he will get someone else and he wished me luck, no hard feelings. I can't imagine how when a person has no work at all and is spending money daily on beer and cigarettes, not to mention pouring gas into an F250 pickup truck on a very expensive frequency they can actually turn down a job offered to them as pure profit, no costs on his part involved at all. I finally realized I had to let him hit the bottom so I am no longer paying any bill that is just for his business.I will continue to pay the bills for the house to keep a roof over my head and my daughter's head but no more on his bills. I will keep up the family health insurance because if anything happened to him they would put a lien on my house that I have worked to pay for for the last 23 years. He just came to me and asked if I could take the money out of the savings account to give him. I told him no because that money was to pay the house insurance and taxes that are coming due. He looked like I hit him. It was like he never even thought he would have to pay his own way. He expected me to rescue him again. This time I'm not. I'm giving him over to my higher power and I'm not going to help him. Please help me be strong. I know I have to do this if he is ever going to get it but it is really hard watching the person I've known and loved for almost 35 years flounder around like I'm letting him down. He is trying to guilt me into helping him but not this time. I must be strong. Please let me be strong. I'm sorry for such a long blathering post but I had to get this out and it helps to type it out and read it.
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