Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Al-Anon Family Group's LiveJournal:

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Saturday, April 14th, 2012
6:06 am [cjhm]	2013 International If anyone is planning on attending, there is a non-conference approved cruise afterward. The downpayment for the cruise, $101, has to be paid by April 30, 2012. If anyone is interested, I'd be happy to email the form and details, just let me know. And whether you cruise or not, hope to meet everyone at the 2013 International!! :-) (Comment on this)
Monday, February 27th, 2012
10:08 pm [cjhm]	exciting to see this on the website!! I'm looking forward to seeing everyone there. http://al-anon.org/members/pdf/int_savethedate.pdf (Comment on this)
Thursday, December 1st, 2011
6:00 pm [cjhm]	The serenity prayer over and over god grant me the serenity TO ACCEPT THE THINGS I CANNOT CHANGE the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference. Okay HP - could you shoot me some wisdom here today?? please?? (Comment on this)
Monday, September 26th, 2011
9:13 am [lk737]	My father has been an alcoholic all his adult life, learning the coping mechanism in the military.  He has been in denial, with my mom, my sister and myself all carrying his disease for him for over 35 years.  Keeping him on the right track, keeping him working, doing interventions.  He is only functional when he is working, and he is set to retire at the end of this year.  He has already started the hard core drinking again, and permanently damaged a major nerve in his arm due to being drunk.  He is in his seventies now and my mom still enables him.  Always has. I have fibromyalgia and have decided, due to the stress of my family (my sister also has mental health disorder), that I will have to distance myself from my family of origin to manage my pain levels.  All they ever do is bring their stress to my door and I have to research solutions.  I have, time and time again, gone to bat for my mother.  Helped her in too many ways.  Over the past year, I have encouraged her to become more independant from me, and stopped giving her so much assistance.  Now, in prep for what may come (Dad falling into the bottle full time this winter), I am having to distance myself even more. I just have reached my breaking point.  I battle chronic fatigue and severe pain from several health conditions, and they have never been the support for me that I have been for them.  I've always had to put on a false face for them, and mostly isolated myself from them.  I realize now, I have let them use me way too many times.  I counselled them all while I was growing up, helped my mom drop her eating disorder, helped her with her own mental health issues.  And now I have to put my foot down for my own health.  I gave my mom resources to help her cope, gave her solutions for the worst case scenario.  And now I'm going to have to cut down our visits to once a month, and prepare myself emotionally for ending the relationship with all of them permanently.  This saddens me to no end.  It is never easy to terminate any relationship, including a destructive one.  I know they will blame me, I know they will call me nonstop trying to guilt me into letting them back into my life.  I just can't take the stress anymore.  So this is my declaration of independence from my family in a way.  Trying to love myself first this time in order to just be able to keep my job.  Am now looking to build my support system online, and find a new functional family.  I know where to go.  It just hurts so bad to walk away.  I love them so much, but I love me too. Thanks for listening.  Just knowing you are all here helps me know that I am not alone. Current Mood: scared (5 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, September 18th, 2011
11:56 am [apostate_96]	Amends Question I've got a question for those who read and post here, having to do with making amends. I've gone through the steps before, and I've gotten to do several of them before. However, I think I've gone one coming up that I'm not sure how to deal with. The question I run into is how does one go about making amends to someone who's dead. The background on that is that my wife passed away about 7 months ago, having taken her life. I'd decided to work the steps again, specifically around her suicide. I'm currently on six, but I can see that one coming up. Doing the inventory helped me see how much I had done well in our time together, but there are also some things that I'd done badly, that I really wish I'd have done differently. With someone who's alive, I know how to approach them, to own up to what I've done, to offer amends, to do what I can. However, that's a bit more complicated with someone who I can't physically see or approach or even call or write to. As of yet, I still haven't found the Celestial Telegraph Office.... Any ideas that people have to share here would be most welcome. Current Mood: thoughtful (4 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, August 9th, 2011
12:21 pm [momduels]	Watching him hit bottom My husband has been drinking for the entire close to 35 years we have been together. Over the last 10 years he has gone down hill quickly. With the help of Al Anon I have quit supporting him (paying his bills) and have quit enabling him. I'm not sure I can stand the daily drama now that I have set that pace. Everyday its a different drama with him. He gets drunk and hurts himself then complains and whines "Why does this happen to me?" When I tell him maybe he shouldn't have tried to do ____ while drinking he doesn't believe it has anything to do with him being drunk. Hello, sober people don't fall down while walking on a completely flat surface with nothing in the way. You can't blame my dog for it when she wasn't anywhere near you. It's really hard to see him like this. I can't feel confident that he isn't going to hurt himself when I'm not here and I don't trust him with my dogs - 2 German Shepherds - because when he is drunk he is not aware enough to be around them. I'm becoming a nervous wreck worrying about what he is going to do when I'm not home. He could accidentally let my dogs get out, or fall and hurt himself (3 times now that he has started bleeding and was not able to take care of it himself). I'm afraid something will happen to him when my 22 year old daughter is home alone with him and she wouldn't be able to handle it. Today he tried to stand on a bucket and fell and hit his head on the cement, then proceeded to tell me I'm stupid and shouldn't bother to do anything to try to help because I don't know what I'm doing. I feel like I am losing it from all the stress and drama. I don't sleep well at night and I'm constantly exhausted. I don't feel like eating most of the time. I won't leave him and can't afford a divorce to have him leave - I've been paying the mortgage for 22 years, not him, and I refuse to give him money for half the house in order to get to keep it, not to mention that I don't have $250,000. I need to find a way to tune him out so that I don't lose my mind along with him losing his. Thank you for Al Anon Lois! Current Mood: depressed (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, August 8th, 2011
12:25 pm [blindbydarknes]	I am new to this group so I thought I'd introduce myself. I am a 22yr old recovering addict. I have been trying to get clean for a while now but have discovered that I am a chronic relapser. I know the right decisions I should be making but for some reason it is incredibly difficult for me to make those right decisions. Today, I have 8 days clean. I created this page because I need to do more this time. This needs to be serious for me because I will die out there. I am at the end of my rope and I am exausted. I can't continue the constant cycle. I can't keep doing the same thing and expecting different results because it will always end the same way. Please feel free to add me so we can follow each other! I need sober friends! :) "Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves: 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous?' Actually, who are you not to be?" - Nelson Mandela (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Sunday, August 7th, 2011
9:44 pm [5683hate]	new.  Hello everyone. My name is Kitt. I am 22 years old and I have been drinking everyday since i was 14. I started drinking because my parents were never around and I felt like I was alone. I didn't have any friends, my family never talked to me. I just sat in my room from the time I came home from school until I went to bed. I have been diagnosed with severe depression. Recently I met a man who has changed the way I feel about myself. He showed me what true love was. I never knew what the word meant until I met him. I joined this group because I want to be better. I want to be better for myself and for our relationship to work. I need to get better. Last night was when I realized that my drinking was a real problem. I had never thought it was that bad until I stole my fiance's medication because I ran out of alcohol. He is an army vet and has a spinal cord injury and is on a lot of medication for pain. This was my all-time low. I feel terrible about it. It made me realize that I need to get better, or I will lose him. Today will be my last day of drinking. I cant keep doing this. It just gets worse and worse. Its time for me to stop. Tonight I called the AA hotline and they gave me times and locations for local meetings. I plan on going to all of them as I do not have a job and I am on break from school for the next month.  Thank you for reading. I appreciate it.  (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Friday, May 20th, 2011
6:24 pm [momduels]	I'm letting him hit bottom I have been in Al Anon for over three years going to meetings once a week and reading as well. I thought that I was in control of my life, of course not the alcoholic's life. Well here it is - time to let him hit bottom. I need strength to make it through this. He is my husband. He has been out of work for the most part of the last 8 months. He did manage, during that time, to find enough repair jobs etc to help pay his portion of the bills. Now last month he had no money to give me at all, not even the smaller and smaller amount he had been offering. I tried to be understanding and covered all the household bills and some of his business bills (telephone, advertising, insurance, truck payment) but not his warehouse rent. He paid the warehouse rent himself as he always had before leaving very little in his business account. I pointed out to him the last time I wrote out checks that he had only enough to pay rent two more times and he better get to work somehow even if it meant working for someone else and not his own business. He says, yeah, yeah I will. Well, now I ran into the chance for him to make over $1000 cash on top of getting the two new front tires his truck needs while I also made $500 extra for driving a friend's pickup truck up to his new house about 9 hours away. I jumped at the chance thinking it was great. My husband decided that it wasn't enough money so he didn't want the job. I told my friend and he said if that's how it is then he will get someone else and he wished me luck, no hard feelings. I can't imagine how when a person has no work at all and is spending money daily on beer and cigarettes, not to mention pouring gas into an F250 pickup truck on a very expensive frequency they can actually turn down a job offered to them as pure profit, no costs on his part involved at all. I finally realized I had to let him hit the bottom so I am no longer paying any bill that is just for his business.I will continue to pay the bills for the house to keep a roof over my head and my daughter's head but no more on his bills. I will keep up the family health insurance because if anything happened to him they would put a lien on my house that I have worked to pay for for the last 23 years. He just came to me and asked if I could take the money out of the savings account to give him. I told him no because that money was to pay the house insurance and taxes that are coming due. He looked like I hit him. It was like he never even thought he would have to pay his own way. He expected me to rescue him again. This time I'm not. I'm giving him over to my higher power and I'm not going to help him. Please help me be strong. I know I have to do this if he is ever going to get it but it is really hard watching the person I've known and loved for almost 35 years flounder around like I'm letting him down. He is trying to guilt me into helping him but not this time. I must be strong. Please let me be strong. I'm sorry for such a long blathering post but I had to get this out and it helps to type it out and read it. Current Mood: sad (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Saturday, May 14th, 2011
9:55 am [ezagaaikwe]	Hello. I've been a member of this community for a while, but never posted. Unsure if it's okay to post about a personal matter like this, but I would be grateful for feedback. Hub and I have 58 years of sobriety between us, and my stepdaughter is dry, not sober, and has mental health issues. She's been homeless on and off for years, and has a criminal history. She recently was released from jail into her dad's care and he brought her home. He said the judge released her into his "custody," on the condition that he get her to court dates and appts. She stood us for about five days and was on the run again. (She likes to hang out on the avenue with the other winos and is popular, especially when she gets her check.) Most recently, she was hospitalized again with a gallbladder complaint. They couldn't simply remove it, as her liver is compromised, and the shunts in her liver (due to bleeding varices) wouldn't allow gall bladder removal. Long and short, she is a sick woman in every way, and is due to be discharged today. Neither her dad nor I want her back. We feel awful but there it is. She's dishonest (one of many examples: she stole her dad's car eight times) and we don't trust her. Much more than that is the emotional havoc she creates in our home. It's amazing that he stood up to her, because he and she are members of a culture that sort of allow grown children to come and go in a "revolving door" fashion, no matter if they're users. In the hospital last night, I kept trying to catch his eye, and if he'd given me a "should I relent?" look, I would have nodded. He deliberately didn't look at me, because he wants to stand fast. (We discussed it afterward.) Of course, to the world we look terrible, not allowing a sick woman home with us upon her discharge, but we're following our "gut." Question is: are we complete assholes for not bringing her home? She's 34, not a minor child. Please advise if it's appropriate. (13 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, May 2nd, 2011
12:43 am [adiasmom]	introduction Hey! I'm new here and I'm on a blackberry so if I'm not supposed to introduce myself I'm sorry... Anyways my name is julie I am 25 years old and I'm engaged to a recovering alcoholic. We have a fourteen month old daughter together. Right now he is in FL while I'm in IN for he is in rehab. He went back in february did great and graduated lakeview. Was 60 days sober and relapsed. Made the decision to go back to rehab and he's been there for two weeks. It is hard but my faith is stronger than my fear. I started alanon recently and fell in love with it. I never knew I needed to change and grow myself too. I am on step three and am just surrendering to my God or hp. I am also a recovering borderline with a food addiction that would be binge eater.anorexic. I'm using the 12 steps in this as well. I'm a survivor of anorexia, cutting, domestic violence, and rape. Hi nice to meet you:) looking for support. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Tuesday, April 19th, 2011
1:01 am [mandasphoenix]	My step-mom is an alcoholic.  This started as a very long story.  Lucky for you my laptop freaked out and navigated away from the page thus, losing everything I had already written.  Basically I'm new to this.  My sister and I attended 2 meetings and I LOVED IT!!!  Talking about the problem...FABULOUS CONCEPT!!!  My sister got mad at me because of a choice I made regarding the alcoholic.  Since that happened I haven't been to any meetings.   I realized, however, that it wasn't my fear of going alone that held me back.  It was something I read in the Al-Anon literature that just didn't sit well with me.  A LITTLE back story, the step-mom keeps telling us all she'll get help.  It's fake.  Most recently she started seeing a therapist and the Dr. told step-mom that if she didn't go to AA she (the therapist) wouldn't help her.  So the step-mom is going to AA.  I know, whatever gets them there, right?  The thing is, she is still DRINKING.  I don't mean every now and then.  I'm talking 4-5 days out of the week.      My problem is this, Al-Anon is supposed to work with AA.  How in the world am I supposed to work with her/help her/support her when I know she isn't really working the program?  How can I believe in Al-Anon when I don't believe in that specific cornerstone piece of verbage?  So, I haven't attended any more meeting because I just can't seem to get past it.   I'm just not interested in being a member of her cheering section.  I have to look out for myself and the well-being of my family.  Most importantly, I have to protect my daughter from her insanity!!!  "Let it begin with me" that is my favorite thing that I learned in those 2 meetings.     Thank You   (9 Comments |Comment on this)
Saturday, January 22nd, 2011
2:06 pm [apostate_96]	A Question I'm finding I don't have a lot of questions come up that I don't have good or quick answers for anymore. However, when they do come up, they certainly tend to be the type that'll rock me back on my heels and make me think for awhile. I recently had another one come up, and I'd love to get input from the folks here. The question that came up is: What lets me know that I'm in good spiritual condition? The initial things that came to mind were absences, like not getting so obsessive, not being so resentful, not (or at least less) prone to spending lots of time thinking about what I could've said or could say to someone to make me look good/smart/tough, and so on. However, that doesn't really seem to be solid enough for me. It seems a lot like defining physical health in terms of absence of symptoms of illness (no fever, no cough, no unsightly masses on scans, etc.). There may not be symptoms present, but that doesn't mean someone's in good physical health. By the same token, I might not be doing those things, but I don't think that automatically equates to being in good spiritual condition. What do y'all think? Current Mood: thoughtful (5 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, January 10th, 2011
3:44 pm [momduels]	Good vs Bad My qualifier, also known as my husband, had lately been trying to be nice to me. It makes me happy when he does this but every time I start to feel happy he again goes back to his old alcoholic ways not caring about anyone but himself. It seems all that much worse after a nice period. I'm at the point where I wish sometimes he wouldn't even be nice at all so I wouldn't have to face the let down when he reverts back. It makes it feel even worse if he has been nice and I was getting used to that and then out of the blue he goes the other way. I know that expectations are premeditated disappointments and that I shouldn't get my hopes up but after seeing how nice he can be it's so hard to accept what a jerk he can be in the same day, even the same hour. Some days I get so depressed at what our life has become I just don't think I can deal with it anymore, except that I have to because I can't afford a divorce and the money I would have to pay to keep the house that I have made the payments on all this time. I just want the relationship we used to have a long long time ago when I could lean on him and rely on him when I was having a bad moment. Now I have to be strong all the time because I can't rely on him to be there for me. Am I crazy to stay in this relationship? Am I crazy to want what we used to have. Am I crazy after 34 years to think that he will ever change? Am I just plain insane? Current Mood: crushed (4 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, December 29th, 2010
5:53 pm [apostate_96]	Sudden Insight One of the things in the literature that's often read in my home group is the statement that we believe God (or whatever Higher Power suits) wants us to be "happy, joyous and free." Up 'til yesterday, I'd always thought that meant that was what would come as I worked the steps and implemented the program in my life. It seemed like it was the pot at the end of the rainbow. Lately, I'd been wondering when the heck that's supposed to come along. Yesterday, it hit me like a baseball to the forehead. That statement isn't the promised reward for being in the fellowship and working the program. That statement is a direction. It doesn't say that's what we'll become. It says that's what we will be. I was blinking for a few seconds after that hit me. After all this time in the program, I was stunned that I'd never realized that, never bothered to look that carefully at it. The program's given me tools to use when I'm afraid or angry or lonely. It's given me choices of how I'll be. If I don't want to be caught up in the sickness, I have things to do, people to turn to, and a Higher Power to help me get right again. So it is up to me if I want to be "happy, joyous, and free." What a gift. Current Mood: thoughtful (5 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, December 2nd, 2010
11:47 pm [rx_freeyourmind]	my boyfriend is a recovering heroin addict. i'm not. i use my lj as means to cope with the things i go through with him. i'd love support from anyone that can relate to my situation, add me if you like :) (6 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, October 21st, 2010
5:02 pm [prncessb]	ACOA Or Adult Children of Alcoholics................. My rambling for today is about my own father.  I grew up the oldest in the family so got to experience the most of his years of drinking.  Those years are still with me.  I realize that they are a part of who I am.  With Al Anon I can help work through the issues.  I can learn what once as a child were walls of protection, that have now grown into character defects.  I can move on with the help of the program and other's who have been through the dredges.  Others who are still going through it. My father has been sober for 27 years.  He quit in my Junior year.  It still bugs me that he seems to take no responsibility for any issues that I may have.  Like his drinking didnt affect any part of the lives of the people who were there.  He doesnt attend AA.  He went to treatment, aftercare, and that was it.  For him he didnt need the program.  However, I am still learning how to push through this and need the program.  It bugs me that he just thinks "you are grown, move on, that was the past........"   We dont really speak of it because I dont feel supported to this day by my father even in his sobriety.  I just realized that.  Wow.  I am still the little girl looking for my father's approval.........damn! Current Mood: curious (13 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, September 14th, 2010
4:51 pm [vanille_alanon]	Hello Just wanted to send a quick hello. I've been going to Al-Anon since February 2009. Took a long break (a few months), but I'm back and glad to be so. If anyone needs to talk please feel free to add me and send me a message. My journal is dedicated to my Al-Anon recovery and I reflect on literature and meetings. Well, I hope you are well- have a great day!  Current Mood: cheerful (Comment on this)
Thursday, July 29th, 2010
10:59 am [kailey_erin]	I know you can sympathize with me...  ....I'm studying to be an LCDC, a licensed chemical dependency counselor..... I can handle the books, I can handle the medical facts and statistics, I can handle the counseling approaches, but I can't handle "My Name is Bill W." God, I sympathize so much for Mr. Bill's wife....... The other day, in one of his drunken depressive states, My husband told me that it would be in my best interest to "pack my shit and get the fuck out of dodge...." He says this more as a result of the aging process, and not as a result of the disease......... (6 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, June 23rd, 2010
7:51 pm [mamasock]	AAAHHHH I need suggestions.   He won't work, he won't leave, he is lying about being sober, and he is too large for me to physically remove.  I don't know what to do.  There are things that have made his habits tolerable over the years.  Even tolerable at times such that I could almost dismiss them.  However, back in November after 2 back to back bouts of alcohol poisoning I left for a bit.  Not long, but after that we had almost 3 blissful months of his sobriety.  He was going to school so I could justify him not working although I had to work the entire time I was getting my degree because he told me I had to.  He hasn't worked in almost a year, I am at my wit's end.  Now I refuse to leave, I think he should go. I am paying for everything and I think that he needs a good solid dose of reality to the face, but I can't get him to leave! I feel powerless which I am sure is his pure intent.  Can anyone who has been through something similar please offer a suggestion or two or seven?! Current Mood: nauseated (1 Comment |Comment on this)